Jay Herndon

Who Am I?

One of my chapters in my eventual book, "Passages for Pastors" will be a combo-passage: "Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work." John 4:34 And, "Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven." Lu 10:20 these two passages balance one another.

In my final year as a Bethany student I was asked by a nearby pastor to join the pastoral staff as their Junior High Pastor. I excitedly threw myself whole-heartedly into the job—I called kids on the phone, I took them out for ice cream, I planned trips to the beach, I crafted well-designed Bible Studies and worship experiences, preceded by fun ice-breakers. And each week I was heartbroken by the ungrateful, unresponsive, uncooperative, disrespectful attitudes of those demon-possessed kids! I think I resigned to God on the drive home every Wednesday Night!

Many years have passed between then and now, and I have been blessed to experience easier times in ministry--times of great blessing and growth, wonderful worship, and watched first-hand the miracle of salvation and restoration of broken lives, times when I have been treated with respect and love. Nevertheless, there have been times when it seemed that my first Junior High Group was revisiting me! Often I seemed to ride a roller-coaster: when the ministry was good, I was good. And when the ministry was bad, I was bad. Until I finally realized that I had developed an unhealthy attitude about ministry.

The two passages above help us to understand the balance we need to maintain in ministry—The first passage reminds us that we need to have a passion for ministry—"my food" reminds us that ministry involves all of who we are. Ministry is not a job. And, in that respect, I am always, "a pastor." It's who I am.

Unfortunately, too-much identification with a role is neither biblical nor biblical. The second passage reminds us that we should be careful that we do not allow the ministry to define us. I imagine that it was a shock to the disciples—they returned riding high from a very effective time of ministry and yet Jesus tells them, "do not rejoice in this." Why not? Because when we rejoice too much in success we run the risk of defining ourselves by success. And when we define ourselves by success, we will also define ourselves by failure. Jesus used the opportunity to remind us that we should only define ourselves by our relationship with Him.

Having learned this, I was able to disembark from the rollercoaster, I am a pastor, but it's not who I AM. Who I AM is a child of God, in good times and in bad times. Whatever people say about me, in success or failure. I am loved by Him. That is a much healthier identity.

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